


Bromance

by Thors_Spirit_Wolf



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Marvel Cinematic Universe, One Piece, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2020-09-01 14:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20259859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thors_Spirit_Wolf/pseuds/Thors_Spirit_Wolf
Summary: A collection of incidents that F.R.I.D.A.Y. never got rid of, dealing with SHIELD’s employees.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We may add rules to this from time to time; btw we’re both working on this.

_1\. Clint and Jonathan will stop stalking people from the air vents._

_2\. Tony will stop flirting with whoever he talks to. I don’t care if it’s his personality, he has a wife._

_3\. Ace is the least qualified person under our employ to be a matchmaker. As much as I want to beg Sabo and Luffy to stop him, they won’t. So everyone else must stop him._

_4\. To all the members of the Black Ops division, you will not, under any circumstances, play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare after 9:00 P.M._

_5\. To the Black Ops division, you will not play any games in general after 9:00 P.M._

_6\. Everyone has a curfew of 9:00 P.M. Be in bed by then. Since I know none of you will follow this rule, check ins are at 10:30 P.M. you will scrub all of the bathrooms of the tower if you are not in your bed by this time._

_7\. No. Prank. Wars. Please_.

_8\. I don’t care if the word is funny. Please, don’t try to frelt Nogla._

_9\. Don’t frelt anyone in general._

_10\. Don’t smelt, melt, or freeze anyone either. Nor can you use the Pym Particles to grow or shrink someone. Ace, please don’t set anyone else on fire._

_11\. Nami’s diary is off limits. Yes, even from you Sanji. In fact, especially from you._

_12\. Yes Evan, you too. I don’t care if you are a mastermind, it’s not happening._

_13\. If Clint or Jonathan ever see anything from Nami’s diary aside from the cover, they have to ask S.H.I.E.L.D. to wipe their brains._

_14\. Jonathan is not allowed to play matchmaker. Like Ace, both of them cause more problems when trying to make a ship._

_15\. No dating teammates. No fucking them either. No teammates with benefits._

_16\. Try to keep the media from finding out about a relationship with a teammate._

_17\. Please follow S.H.I.E.L.D.’s rules. They’re there to help you, not hurt you._

_18\. If you have a mission coming up, don’t drink. If you’re on a mission, don’t drink. If you’re going to drink, don’t drink to excess._

_19\. If you really must drink, drink in Tony’s bar. Try not to drink to excess. If you plan on it, have someone there to carry your drunk ass to bed._

_20\. Peter and Shuri, please, reel the memes in. Especially the Thanos ones. Too soon._

_21\. Don’t put a Devil Fruit user in water. We had to hire lifeguards. And they’re tired of always helping them because they can’t swim._

_22\. No, you may not push the shiny red button._

_23\. You may not dump sleeping pills into the communal coffee pot. _

_24\. You may not burn graffiti into the wall. _

_25\. You may not throw up on people. Being drunk doesn’t redeem the fact that you did._

_26\. You are not allowed to send anonymous love letters to other bases. _

_27\. “Leave no ass unkicked” is not a battle plan._

_28\. Not reporting someone who used “leave no ass unkicked” will cancel the Spotify subscription._

_29\. Homer Simpson was a masterpiece. Please stop putting your deformed, maybe even demonic, drawings of him on the fridge._

_30\. You will stop walking up to our employees and saying “please gather me into your butt.”_

_31\. You may not hoard all the ladles on base claiming that they are dicks._

_32\. You may not lick strange objects to check if they are poisonous. _

_33\. You may not gossip in your reports._

_34\. You may not initiate dance-offs when you are drunk._

_35\. You may not initiate dance-offs when you are not drunk._

_36\. You may not initiate dance-offs ever again. Being drunk doesn’t redeem the fact that you initiated one._

_37\. You may not punch/break/cut out/burn holes in the walls. Please use the doors provided._

_38\. If you do any of the above or anything else to a door, the money is coming out of your pay._

_39\. Stop causing trouble. Yes we do pay you, but then you do something stupid that causes us to take it._

_40\. Tyler, talking about how Gamora was yeeted off a cliff is way too soon and it’s the reason you’re so close to losing a limb._

_41\. You will not go to extremes to protect your teammates. We don’t have enough money for that._

_42\. To whoever is ordering them, you will stop ordering live animals from Amazon._

_43\. You will not order live animals from EBay, Walmart, or anywhere else._

_44\. If I let you keep your current group chat, you will only talk about emergencies in the next one I create. Please._

_45\. Stop having conversations about ladles._

_46\. Bucky is not allowed to shove cream pies down Clint’s pants._

_47\. Bucky is not allowed to shove cream pies down anyone’s pants._

_48\. No one is allowed to shove cream pies down anyone’s pants._

_49\. No, you may not put coffee grounds in the disposal._

_50\. You may not pour, store, dump, yeet, throw, or toss coffee grounds in the disposal. Nor can you use another similar verb as an excuse._

_51\. Using it for medical or scientific purposes is not an excuse either._

_52\. “I threw them up” because you ate all of the coffee grounds is not an excuse either._

_53\. You may not turn anyone into cheese._

_54\. You may not use “for science!” as your reasoning for why you did that. That’s called an excuse._

_55\. Stop. Put that goddamn chair down right this minute._

_56\. Stop building chair forts._

_57\. No couch forts either._

_58\. Don’t offer to cook someone else’s food._

_59\. If someone offers to cook your food, you say no. If they already made it, don’t eat it._

_60\. Rules 58 and 59 are for anything that goes inside of you._

_61\. Stop blasting Baby Shark and Seagulls over the intercoms._

_62\. John Williams is amazing. I still don’t want to hear the Imperial March blasting for twenty four hours straight._

_63\. Nor do I want to hear the Cantina Band._

_64\. Whoever keeps playing Jar Jar Binks over the intercom will be at the mercy of a drunk and pissed off Zoro._

_65\. Stop blasting anything over the intercom, at any volume, for any length of time, at any hour, unless you have permission from Director Fury._

_66\. Stop saying things along the lines of “execute order 66.” Yes I am aware of the irony that this rule is rule 66._

_67\. It’s surprisingly noble of you to want to see if Thanos’ snap affected other universes. No you can’t go to the Star Trek universe to check that._

_68\. You will stop creating and playing the 24 hour edition of any kind of gnomes. We have actual threats, I don’t give a shit about being gnomed._

_69\. Thanos is not a gnome. Stop writing articles saying otherwise. The public has actually brought this up to us._

_70\. Stop boycotting Nogla’s diet. If he wants to eat fettuccine and whatever the hell it is he eats, that’s his business, not yours._

_71\. However you will stop him if he’s drunk._

_72\. For the love of god, I don’t want to wake up at 4am to “somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me.”_

_73\. Turn the volume down. The state of New York doesn’t want to wake up to it either._

_74\. Just because the song says “baby don’t hurt me” doesn’t mean you need to slap each other while singing it._

_75\. Just because it’s a good song doesn’t mean you need to continue to sing it every time a mission goes well._

_76\. Sure, a mission went wrong, and you’re upset about that. Don’t sing hello darkness my old friend immediately after you come back here._

_77\. Stop forging my signature when you want something signed and you know I won’t approve. There’s a reason I won’t approve of it._

_78\. Stop screaming wake me up inside. Believe it or not, not everyone likes memes._

_79\. The whole blue bunny ice cream thing is stupid enough. I don’t need you contributing to it._

_80.If you prank me on April Fools Day, it’s coming out of your paycheck._

_81\. Anakin, stop force choking people. These people are your colleagues._

_82\. Stop making fun of the Chancellor for his… sleeping habits. There’s nothing wrong with him sucking his thumb._

_83\. Stop slapping people._

_84\. Someone please tell Vision to stop trying to make an anime.  
_

—————————————————————

Rules created by: Nick Fury, Steve Rogers, Nico Robin, Brock Barrus, Commander Cody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re gonna write chapters for each fandom before having them come together


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the BBS chapter

Any normal person would look outside and go ‘what a beautiful day!’

Tyler looked out and groaned, immediately seeing his reflection in the window. His hair, now dyed blue, did not go unnoticed.

“Let me guess, it’s April fuckin Fools Day,” he mumbled. Checking his phone confirmed that it was indeed April Fools Day.

“Well, fuck.”

Tyler got out of bed, noticing a paper with a sketch of an owl on it, telling him which member of his team was responsible for that prank.

“God damn it Evan.” he stalked out of his room, annoyed and in search of coffee.

Evidently, Tyler did not like April Fools Day.

~

Marcel sighed, content.

He was on the couch in the common room, watching Tony Stark fail compilations, eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.

Suddenly the speakers went off, a distorted voice saying they had an important message for him.

He paused the compilation, sprinting to his room and grabbing his nearest weapon - a wrench. Why he had a wrench, Marcel will never know.

He sped walked toward the elevator, F.R.I.D.A.Y. telling him where the message was coming from.

He found himself slowly getting more pissed off as Baby Shark continued to be played, getting louder every ten seconds.

Approaching the room, he kicked open the door, ready to throw the wrench.

“WHICH OF YOU WANTS TO DIE?!” He yelled, only to be met with an empty room…

… not empty. There was a note on the back of a chair, a sketch of a monkey on it.

“Fuck you Lui! You hear me?! Fuck you!”

~

After the Baby Shark incident, Marcel found an annoyed, blue haired Tyler, and the two left the tower, looking for something to take their anger out on.

Meanwhile, everyone else was in the common room, watching Marcel’s abandoned Tony Stark fail compilations.

“I wonder if Tony knows this shit exists.” Brian mumbled, grabbing a Twix out of Brock’s bowl.

Jonathan shrugged. “Would he have taken them down?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Scotty said, confident.

Then came a clip of Tony, drunk and in the Iron Man suit, lazily swinging at Steve, before puking, with the face plate still covering his face.

“Yes. Yes he would,” he backtracked.

Everyone laughed as it transitioned into Tony tripping at the Stark Expo, knocking a tray of fruit punch on a group of kids.

David walked into the room. “Do you guys want food? I’m going to experiment.”

Hands went up from everyone, and David turned around, heading back into the kitchen.

“Wait! Make us something normal! If Tyler wouldn’t eat it, don’t give it to us!” Brock shouted.

A faint ‘okay!’ came from the kitchen. About five minutes later, a faint explosion was heard from the kitchen as well.

“What the hell?” Ryan asked, him and the others jumping up and running into the kitchen.

When they walked in, they were greeted by an interesting sight.

David was covered in flour, an empty mixing bowl and ingredients in front of him. He wiped the flour off of his face, looking shocked and annoyed.

“What happened?” Brock asked.

Rather than reply, David pointed at a paper on the side of the flour, a sketch of an owl and a monkey on it.

Brian doubled over, laughing. “Happy April Fools Daithi! Karma is a bitch!”

“What the fuck did I do go warrant Karma?!” David shouted back.

Scotty smirked, returning to the living room, the chuckling members of the Black Ops Division following him.

“You said you’d never been pranked before.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is The Clone Wars chapter

Sometime after they arrived on Earth, Anakin had decided that while they were off, they would enjoy what Earth has to offer.

Cody only joined them because Yoda and Obi-Wan did.

The group, Yoda, Obi-Wan, Plo Koon, Cody, Anakin, Ahsoka, Wolffe, Rex, Dogma, Fives, and Jesse, were going to do the two things Tony suggested: the carnival and horseback riding.

“Alright men! First stop, the carnival!”

~

“We don’t have room.” Rex’s weary voice was heard.

Jesse and Fives spent half of the time at the fair playing games, and therefore won an entire army of stuffed animals.

“Then we’ll make room! Tony has a whole damn tower!” Fives protested.

“We can’t let them go to waste! And unlike you, we used our time for useful purposes!” Jesse said.

Rex pinched his forehead. “How is winning stuffed animals useful?”

“Target practice!” Jesse answered.

“And the stuffed animals will not be used for target practice.” Fives added.

“Besides Captain, it was more useful than your time.”

Rex sighed, because he couldn’t exactly argue with that.

While they were at target practice, Rex Ahsoka and Anakin had been busy.

They were acting out the vine where there are three people on a roller coaster head banging to “what is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.”

Anakin smiled as he picked up a stuffed panda.

“Alright men. I count this as a success. Next up, horseback riding!”

~

Cody was genuinely surprised by how well they were doing this. Granted horses were sort of like walkers, but still.

“This is really peaceful.” Ahsoka said, and Cody couldn’t agree more.

“Do this again, we will. Boat ride tomorrow, we must.”

Every cheered, even Cody.

But he knows he will regret it later.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roronoa Zoro is sleeping and the rest of the crew are testing to see if anything can wake him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s the one piece chapter y’all. Spoilers if you haven’t caught up yet *cough* Jinbei. Enjoy!

The rest of the Strawhats walked closer to the sleeping swordsman. He was sleeping on the armchair right by the minibar with nine bottles of alcohol scattered around him. 

“Alright, huddle up!” Franky ordered, as the snickering Strawhats gathered around him. “We’re going to conduct some experiments. Each person gets one, so it’s nine combined.”

Jinbei cut in. “I’m not willing to experiment on one of my crew mates.”

“And I don’t want to hurt Zoro because I’m a Doctor,” Chopper said.

“And I’m scared because Zoro is super strong and I can’t fight him even though I am Captain Usopp—“ 

“Okay, that’s seven, then,” Franky continued. “We will go in order of recruitment, so Luffy will go first and Brook will go last.” 

“YAAAHOOOOO! I CAN’T WAIT!” Luffy yelled.

“Shut up, idiot! You’re going to wake him up!” Usopp whisper-shouted. 

Sanji rolled his eyes, puffing on his cigarette. “He won’t wake up anyway, which is why we’re doing this in the first place.” He leaned on the wall right underneath the non-smoking sign in the kitchenette. 

Luffy yelled, “YOSH! SANJI! MAKE SOME MEAT TO SEE IF IT’LL WAKE HIM UP!”

“No, you idiot I ain’t cooking right now! Especially for the damn marimo!”

“Aww, darn it, then I can’t do my experiment!” deflated, Luffy walked away to sit on the armchair to watch the proceedings.

“Alrighty, it’s my turn! I bet he’ll wake up when I steal his money! In fact, I stole his wallet earlier!” Nami’s villainous facial expression intimidated everyone. 

Nami slowly undid the clasp of the worn wallet. “EH?!?!?! THERE’S NOTHING IN IT!” Looking sad, Nami sat on the kitchen table to watch the rest of the experiments. 

“EH? DAMN MARIMO, MAKING NAMI-SAN SAD! IDIOT MOSSHEAD! ITS MY TURN ANYWAY AND I'M SURE THIS WILL WAKE HIM UP! Diable Jambe…” Sanji spun around as his leg started to catch on fire.

Chopper screamed as Franky yelled, “No! You’re going to set the building on fire and hurt Zoro-dude!” 

“Ugh, fine, but nothing would’ve gotten past that brick of a head anyway. But it’s Robin-chan’s turn next, and I can’t wait~!” Sanji love-noodled to the wall and became normal again as he lit another cigarette.

“Hmm?” Robin looked up from her book. “Looks like it’s my turn.” 

She stood up and crossed her arms as everyone looked to see what was going to happen. 

“Dos Fleur…” A pair of hands sprouted out from Zoro’s pants. 

“ROBIN! NO!” Franky knew what was coming as he had experienced it himself. He pried Robin’s arms apart and yelled, “No, you are not grabbing his balls. Even though I am a pervert, I do not approve of what was going to occur.”

Robin smiled and went back to her seat to continue reading. 

“SUPER! IT’S MY TURN!” COUP DE BOO—“

“YOU STOP IT RIGHT THERE! LAST TIME YOU USED THAT, THE TOWER SMELLED FOR TWO WEEKS! IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I’M TAKING ALL OF YOUR MONEY!” Nami screamed. 

“NAMI-SAN IS SO HOT WHEN SHE GETS ANGRY~ NAMI-SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!”

“Yohohohoho! That’s right! I still smell it sometimes, even though I don’t have a nose! Yohohohoho!” Brook laughed. “Well it’s my turn, so I’m going to ask to look at his panties.” 

Everyone raised an eyebrow at that, speaking all at once. 

“Shishishi! Eh, Zoro wears those? What are those anyway? ARE THEY MEAT?” Luffy drooled. 

Sanji patiently cut in: “Zoro doesn’t wear panties, and besides, that’s very gay, Brook.”

Usopp screeched, “EH? W-W-W-WAIT. HOW DO YOU KNOW HE DOESN’T?” Chopper screamed and hid behind Usopp.

At the same time, Franky murmured, “Look who’s talking,” as Robin giggled along. 

“Watch out!” Zoro yelled. He sat up and let out a huge yawn. Looking around, he said, “it was just a dream, huh?” and promptly fell back asleep. 

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Nami screamed. 

“I’LL KILL YOU, SHITHEAD!” 

Meanwhile, in another room…

Phoenix Marco couldn’t believe Fury had put him in charge of this shit. However, everyone had to give away his/her money— _ ahem _ , he meant _ pay taxes _ to the Government in April. He had just finished filing his own, so he had to help the whiny brat sitting across him.

“We’re pirates! I thought we had to defy the World Government!”

“Hmm. Good point.”

“I thought so.” And Portgas D. Ace prepared to set his Form W2 on fire—

“SHIT! ACE, NO!”

“BUT I DON’T WANNA PAY TAXES!”

“IT’S NOT A CHOICE!”

“NOOOOOO—”

And a thud was heard when Ace’s head hit the desk as he was fast asleep. 

“Goddamnit, Portgas.”

Snickering, Sabo finished his paperwork. “I’m sorry you have to babysit him.”

“But I thought we were doing this together—”

Sabo had already left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coup de Boo is Franky’s fart jetpack. And it’s April somehow. Also MCU chapter next bois


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter where Steve Rogers decides to buy and try vegan yogurt. Based on a true story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ya guys this is such a weird chapter inspired by the Wednesday frogs by ZimoNitrome

Ahh. It was Steve Rogers’ favorite place: Whole Foods. Aisles filled with fresh, expensive, healthy, tasty food— which Tony can pay for. 

But something made Steve stop in his tracks. Something he’d never seen before. “Vegan Yogurt.”

Steve couldn’t stop himself. He grabbed every brand of vegan yogurt from the refrigerator and dumped it in his cart. As he walked on, he saw something better: vegan ice cream. 

When he finally got home, an angry Tony was waiting in the common room.

“What the fuck Steve, you spent $200 on vegan food. Vegan yogurt? Vegan ice cream? Vegan meat? Vegan water? Wait what the fuck is vegan water…”

Steve left Tony mumbling to himself in the common room as he walked into the kitchen to put all his vegan food away.

“Hey, punk,” said Bucky.

“Jerk,” replied Steve. 

“What have you got over there?”

“Vegan yogurt, wanna try some?”

“Sure.”

They both set the table for their yogurt taste-off, with Tony’s best china.

“Alright,” proclaimed Steve, “let’s begin with pea protein yogurt.”

Natasha, who was making coffee, gagged dramatically.

“Ready, set, go.” Both of the super soldiers placed a spoonful of yogurt into their mouths.

Well, it turned into a shitshow.

Steve gagged and spit his yogurt out into one of Tony’s silk napkins, Bucky on the other hand…

Sam had walked in after his morning run, only to be sprayed with yogurt. The yogurt that was previously in Bucky’s mouth.

A couple weeks passed after the incident. Tony wouldn’t let anyone throw out the rest of the vegan products since “they were too expensive.” 

“Like he isn’t the one throwing his money around,” grumbled Clint. “But sometimes, this stuff is pretty okay.” He was eating coconut milk yogurt. 

“You put way too much granola in it for it to even taste like yogurt anymore,” said Natasha. 

“Yeah, that’s true.” 

“Anyway, gotta go workout now. See ya.” Natasha walked out of the kitchen.

A scream was heard, as Rocket Raccoon ran into the room, followed by… frogs. “IT’S WEDNESDAY, MY DUDES!!!” 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING?” Clint shot arrows at the frogs as they advanced toward him. “NOOOOOOOO!”

But then, the frogs passed him and went straight for… the yogurt. 

Clint watched as the frogs devoured the vegan yogurt. Then, an idea sparked in his head. 

He emptied the fridge of vegan products and threw them outside the window. The frogs went absolutely bonkers as they yeeted themselves out the window, craving vegan food. 

Clint, tired out of his mind, fell to the floor of the kitchen. “This is why I retired.”

The rest of the team walked in and cheered as they saw the open fridge, devoid of vegan products. It was a grand celebration as they threw a party filled with many drunk antics. It was a happy ending for all.

Captain America himself learned a valuable lesson that day: to never buy expensive vegan food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and no offense if you’re vegan, the yogurt just tastes weird


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never been to a christmas market. Here’s a Christmas chapter!

“Cody why are you filming us?” Jesse asked, staring straight into the camera, a piece of bacon still on the top of his head thanks to Fives.

“I want the internet to know I work with idiots.”

Jesse shrugged, deciding that was fair. Then Fives tackled Hardcase to the ground and shoved a gingerbread cookie into his mouth.

“Thanks for the free cookie.” Hardcase chewed it, spat it back at Fives, and kicked him off.

Rex smirked, nudging Cody in the side. “The internet is going to laugh their asses off when they see this.”

Cody smirked. “I should make a sequel for the shit they do on Coruscant.”

Rex snorted. “You should see what they do on Naboo.”

Cody looked at his brother curiously, pointing the camera at him. “What do you mean?”

“That time the Republic paid to fix the big hole in Theed? It wasn’t the Separatists.”

Cody’s eyes widened, and Wolffe ran over to grab the camera.

He smirked into it, teeth shining. “Don’t worry folks, Cody’s brain just melted and oozed out of his brain! It’s all fine.”

~

The camera was pointed at Echo, who was blasting _ Duel of the Fates _ from a nearby speaker he hacked.

He then pointed the camera toward the stage. A cover band was supposed to be on, performing Christmas songs.

But they stood in the background, enjoying the show.

On stage stood Jesse and Fives. They were dressed in elf costumes, Jesse holding a red lightsaber and Fives holding a blue one.

“Don’t worry, they‘re fake. No one is dumb enough to give these two _ real _ lightsabers.“ Boil spoke into the camera.

They engaged in fake lightsaber combat, hurling the occasional gingerbread cookie at each other.

Cody pointed the camera back at him to fondly say “My brothers are defective.” Then he pointed it back at the stage.

~

Wolffe smirked. After the cover band had done their display, he, Fives, and Jesse, hopped on. Echo had made it so the three of them would perform karaoke during the fireworks, which he also set up.

While the two of them were singing, Wolffe jokingly pulled Cody up on stage, and sung as he danced with him, Rex filming the whole thing.

Wolffe: _ I don't want a lot for Christmas. _

Jesse: _ There is just one thing I need. _

Fives: _ And I don’t care about the presents. _

Wolffe: _ Underneath the Christmas tree. _

Jesse: _ I don't need to hang my stocking. _

Fives: _ There upon the fireplace. _

Wolffe: _ Santa Claus won't make me happy. _

Jesse: _ With a toy on Christmas Day. _

Fives: _ I just want you for my own. _

Wolffe: _ More than you could ever know. _

Jesse: _ Make my wish come true. _

Fives: _ All I want for Christmas is you. _

As soon as he could, Cody jumped off.

Grabbing the camera back, he muttered “God I hope they’re drunk.”

~

Walking back to Stark tower, Boil clinging to his side like the child he pretends to not be, Cody looked at the camera, smiling.

“They’re idiots. But they’re my idiots.”

Wolffe stole the camera and howled at the moon, then yelled “Happy Holidays!”


	7. Chapter 7

“You know, you never told me the story.” Cody said, Rex by his side, Iron Man and Ant-Man behind him.

“What story?” Rex asked.

“The story of the hole.” Cody smirked.

“Woah woah woah. What hole?” Tony asked, worried there was a hole in the tower.

“No no. The one in Theed, not the tower.” Rex rushed to reassure him. They all breathed a sigh of relief when Tony did.

Tony didn’t need to know about the hole in the tower. It’s how the frogs got into the tower, and they repaired it…. just not very well.

“Come on brother, you can’t tell me they made a hole and not tell me how.”

Ant-Man spoke up. “Yeah man, that's not cool.”

Rex sighed. “Fine. Here it goes.

“So. Naboo is holding negotiations, discussing Mandalore possibly joining the Republic. All the sudden Maul shows up-”

“I thought Maul was dead.” Scott piped up.

“We all thought that.” Cody answered, then turned toward Rex. “Continue.”

“Right. So he ignites his lightsaber, obviously looking for a fight, but Anakin decided to try different tactics.”

“What kind of tactics?” Tony asked.

“He challenged Maul to a dab off. And for some reason, Maul agrees. And he loses, and Ahsoka force pushes him out a window.”

Scott snorted, and Tony punched him.

“But we didn’t realize that Jar Jar was gone, until we heard a noise. We leave the room to investigate, and there’s a hole in the wall.”

“The hole Cody asked about, right?” Tony asks.

Rex nods. “Yup. Apparently, Jar Jar saw some Shaaks through the window, and he wanted to heard them somewhere. He did, and they ran through the castle.”

“So he caused the hole?” Cody asked, Tony and Scott laughing behind him.

“Well, yes, but he blames the Shaak.”

Tony and Scott started laughing.

“And I thought _ Rocket _ was bad!” Tony chuckled, Scott snorting at that.

Cody rubbed his forehead and Rex chuckled. “My brothers really are fucking idiots.”

Rex rubbed his shoulder in sympathy, and when Scott and Tony recovered, they continued their patrol of Coruscant.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it’s certainly been a while hasn’t it?

They’ve started a challenge. Basically, you yell Mazel tov, and throw something in a trash can.

“Mazel tov.” Clint said, aggressively, and threw a ruined arrow in the trash. Naturally, he made it, and did a little fist pump.

Evan decided to copy him, taking another of his ruined arrows from the pile. “Mazel tov.”

He missed, and Clint smirked at him, gesturing toward the broken arrow in the wall. “Fuck.”

Evan walked over to get it just as Fox walked in. “Has anyone seen my-”

“Mazel tov!”

He quickly jumped out of the way as a frisbee flew past him. Unfortunately, Ponds was following him, and got hit square in the nose.

“What the fuck!” Ponds yelled, looking at Lui and Jonathan.

“Does that count?” Lui asked, tilting his head.

“I don’t know man!” Jonathan yelled, before turning back to Ponds. “I’m so sorry!”

Well, Ponds figured he threw the frisbee.

“Come on Jon, let’s go outside.” Lui suggested, walking over and picking up the frisbee, Jon at his heels.

~

Fury looked like a vein was about to pop.

They were holding a meeting, discussing where Thanos, who escaped prison, could be, but the discussion part wasn’t happening.

Why, you may ask?

Currently Tony, Natasha, Sam, Quill, Mantis, and Drax were all throwing things, yelling Mazel tov before they made their throw.

And he thought that them yelling yeet was bad.

Finally, he snapped, and it seemed like his head actually grew in size.

“EVERYONE STOP BEFORE I THROW YOU OFF THE MOTHER FUCKING HELICARRIER!”

Thankfully, they listened, well except for Steve, who smirked at them.

“Told you he wouldn’t appreciate it.”

Nick screamed, hands on his eye and eye patch, before storming out of the room, still screaming.

Coulson and Maria Hill looked on in concern, before Hill followed her boss, and Phil took over the meeting.

After today, the Avengers Mazel tov challenge was never mentioned again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t watch Agents of Shield, so whatever happened to Phil in there is unknown to me


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea it’s been two months, sorry about that

The common room was surprisingly quiet.

Fury had sent Luffy and his crew to Australia to get him some rare artifacts.

Fury also sent the Guardians to Xandar on a shopping trip.

And the Jedi and Clones are still fighting their Civil War.

Most of the Avengers and Black Ops Division decided to get out of the Tower and enjoy the fresh air.

Not everyone, though.

Currently, Sam and Carol were in the common room, playing a mostly civil game of UNO.

Then Tyler and Brian walked in.

“Hey, can we join you guys?” Tyler asked, downing the rest of his Pepsi. Carol nodded, placing a blue four down.

“Yeah, sure. Also, UNO.” Sam said, playing down a yellow four.

Carol groaned, placing down a yellow two. Sam whooped, placing a green two down, and winning the game.

He gathered the cards and shuffled them, Tyler and Brian settling around the table.

Sam dealt the cards, and the game erupted into chaos with four players.

The game got much more competitive. More teaming up to screw one person, more yelling, lots of swearing, and at some point a card got stuck in the wall.

Eventually, the first round of four people was one by Tyler.

“Ha! Suck my dick!” Tyler yelled, triumphantly slamming a blue plus two on the table.

Brian groaned, throwing his cards down on the table. Carol also did the same, slamming her palms down on the table. She glared daggers at Tyler and jabbed a finger in his face.

“I want a rematch! That was bullshit!”

“I agree!” Brian yelled, slamming his palms on the table as well.

The three yelled at each other for a little while, Sam wishing he could be anywhere but here.

Peter Quill, who was in a good mood, walked in, ready to tell the four about their trip on Xandar.

He stopped dead in his tracks as Sam snapped.

“Enough! Shut the fuck up!”

Sam abruptly stood up, flipping the table over, giving the three two middle fingers, and stormed past Quill, leaving the tower.

Quill looked back and forth, shocked. “What the hell did you do to him?”

“UNO. Which, by the way, never again.” Tyler said, angrily walking out in the same direction Sam went.

Brian muttered something about being light headed, and started walking in the direction of the elevators, most likely on his way to his room.

Carol took a few deep breaths before looking at Quill. “Hey, Star Lord. Think you can help me clean this up?”

Quill smirked. “Hey, you remembered my name! Like my superhero name, not my actual name. Yeah, sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that just happened I guess


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend sent me a video of a bunch of dudes playing sports with orange juice

“What the fuck happened to all of the orange juice?!” Tyler yelled, turning toward the person closest to him, which happened to be Zoro.

Zoro shrugged, downing a whole bottle of Sake in one gulp. “Rocket took it all. He’s making… well, a rocket.”

Zoro tossed the empty bottle in the trash, grabbed another one, and walked out of the kitchen with it.

Tyler blinked, before groaning and disappointedly closing the fridge.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Add orange juice to the shopping cart.” Tyler said, disappointment tinting his voice.

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice was pitying as she asked, “Would you like me to add Wildcat’s Official Puncakes to the order?”

Tyler smiled at that. “Yeah, thanks Fri.”

“And how much orange juice would you like?”

Tyler grabbed an apple, walking into the living room. He was about to ask for one carton, but stopped in his tracks upon seeing Luke, also known as Cartoonz, watching a video.

The TV held a magnificent display of a group of boys throwing orange juice bottles at their friend, who would then whack them with his baseball bat as if they were baseballs.

Tyler smirked deviously as he told F.R.I.D.A.Y. just how much orange juice he wanted.

~

A week later, Captain America, Winter Soldier, and Black Widow were sent on a mission by S.H.I.E.L.D. to find a Hydra base.

They returned to an… interesting scene.

The Guardians, Sunny crewmates, Black Ops Division, and rest of the Avengers were spread out in the front yard.

A handful of the members were sitting on a new set of bleachers, cheering and booing.

A baseball field was set up in the yard, with Clint ready to throw the ball and Tyler ready to bat.

However, the trio soon realized Clint wasn’t holding a ball, but rather a bottle of orange juice. And he had a whole pyramid of orange juice bottles behind him.

He threw and Tyler hit it, causing the bottle to explode in a puddle of orange juice.

“YES!” Tyler fist bumped, throwing the hat behind him and jumping. He pointed at Evan, who was in the bleachers, and yelled, “You owe me fifty bucks, pay up!”

Evan looked around, before quickly running off, Tyler chasing after him as Robin grabbed the bat.

The new arrivals noticed the puddle of orange juice that was on the base, and quickly walked into the tower before they could get roped into the game.

The game of orange juice baseball continued without them.

~

Nick Fury stood in the Helicarrier, watching the residents of Avengers Tower from a security camera, disappointment radiating off him.

“Sir? Are you alright?” Maria Hill asked him. Nick Fury shook his head, sighing, and gestured to the screen.

Maria looked at the screen, watching as the residents of Avengers Tower play baseball with orange juice in amazement, before snorting, trying to cut off a laugh.

Nick Fury looked down. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea I guess Avengers Tower has a front yard now because why not


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea so you can thank one of my friends for this chapter lol

“Alright F.R.I.D.A.Y., tell me what’s left on the grocery list.” Tony said as he sipped his coffee.

Tony was planning a Fourth of July party, which meant that this time the groceries would be bought in person - by Happy, of course - so no one would know about it.

_ “Sir, aside from what you requested, there’s only one item.” _

“What is it, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

_ “76 orders of Spicy Caramel Kettle Corn.” _

Tony spat out his coffee in shock. “76?! Who the hell ordered 76 bags of Caramel Kettle Corn?”

_ “Jumbo bags of Spicy Caramel Kettle Corn.” _ F.R.I.D.A.Y. corrected, sounding amused.

Tony shook his head in disbelief. “Who ordered it?”

Still sounding amused, F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied, _ “It was Hawkeye and Commander Cody, sir.” _

Tony shook his head. “Well you can make it 80 and they each get two bags. I’ll need the rest of that for my party.”

~

Happy returned and helped move all of Tony’s party supplies to his lab - the one no one knew about. Tony then took the extra four bags and went in search of Cody and Clint.

Stopping in the common room, he saw David, Nami, Chopper, and Brian watching… well, they were watching something.

“What are you guys watching?” Tony asked, curiosity taking over.

David looked over and took a bite out of an apple. “Revengers: Endless Battle crack videos.” Tony cringed as bits of apple came flying out of David’s mouth.

He raised an eyebrow. “The hell is Revengers: Endless Battle?” Nami turned around, ready to reply, when Tony shook his head. “Never mind, don’t wanna know. Have you guys seen Clint or Cody anywhere?”

Nami pointed a thumb at the window. “They’re both at the shooting range.”

Tony nodded his thanks before heading toward the shooting range.

~

“How the hell do you shoot this thing?” Cody asked, holding the bow sideways.

Clint laughed. “You’re worse than my daughter. At least she knew how to hold it.”

Cody glared at him. “Don’t make me stun you.”

Tony raised an eyebrow at the scene, making his way toward the bickering pair.

“Did you guys order popcorn?”

Cody and Clint turned around, startled at the new voice. Then Clint smirked.

“Only the Jumbo bags of Spicy Caramel Kettle Corn. Did you get them?”

Tony glared at them. “No. You each get two regular sized bags, not fucking 76. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Cody glared at him. “We wanted to know if it was a thing! So we ordered as much as possible!”

Clint nodded his head vigorously. “It sounded like a rapper name. We had to figure out if it was too good to be true.”

Tony tossed them each two bags. “Well, figure it out with these.”

~

When Fourth of July rolled around, everyone was enjoying the BBQ - and vegetarian/vegan options. Even Nick Fury was.

As everyone was cheering for Tyler, who was about to go and bat for a continuation of the Orange Juice Sports, Tony snuck away.

In the Iron Man suit, Tony pulled a large trolley that carried multiple barrels of Spicy Caramel Kettle Corn to the side of the field.

Clint and Cody glanced to the side, noticing movement, and immediately dashed to the table.

“You filthy liar!” Clint yelled, already digging into a barrel. Cody lunged at another, spitefully throwing some pieces at Tony.

Tony winked at them. “Consider it a Fourth of July surprise.”

As the game continued, fireworks could be heard. Nick looked up and pointed at the sky, a confused look plastered on his face.

Tony smirked. “Turns out there is a rapper called Spicy Caramel Kettle Corn.”

The teams watched as the star filled night sky was lit up by firework displays of a rapper, pop corn, and orange juice, all in red white and blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early Fourth of July so I don’t forget, happy Fourth of July!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of a true story that my friend told me recently

Tony took a sip of his pink lemonade water, sighing in content.

After a successful mission dealing with a Hydra base, the Avengers were all on the balcony, celebrating their success.

Tony’s relaxation was interrupted, however, by a prolonged cooing sound, which was coming from multiple sources.

Opening his eyes, he nearly dropped his drink upon seeing a herd of pigeons sitting on the railing of the balcony.

Tony could practically feel his face turn red, from bottom to top, as he angrily set his glass down and stormed to the railing.

Clint, the only other Avenger who noticed their new uninvited guests, followed Tony at a more leisurely pace, with a smirk plastered on his face.

Tony leaned down, his face eye level with the pigeons. He leveled the one in front of him with a glare, to which the pigeons tilted its head and let out a questioning coo.

Clint laughed, saying, “this is great! We needed the guys here a long time ago!”

Clint proceeded to kneel down, getting eye level with another pigeon to Tony’s left. He smiled at the pigeon and waved. “Hiya.”

The pigeon screeched at him, covering Clint’s face with pigeon spit. Clint closed his eyes while it happened. When the pigeon was finished, Clint opened his eyes, wiped the spit off of his face, and screeched back at the pigeon, drawing the attention of Tony and the other Avengers.

“Sweet, more guests,” Bucky muttered, smiling as he and Sam walked over, ready to greet the pigeons as well.

The rest of the party was spent with all of the Avengers, sans Tony and Steve, screeching at the pigeons.

Steve watched as the moon climbed the sky, knowing that behind them the sun was sinking below the horizon. Steve shot an annoyed look at the pigeons, then he turned toward Tony.

“They won’t be here tomorrow, right?” Steve asked, something cold yet desperate in his eyes.

Tony shrugged. “I certainly hope so. They have no reason to, unless they like getting screeched at by a bunch of adults.”

Steve nodded, accepting Tony’s answer, and retreated into the tower, Tony following suit.

Little did they know, the pigeon situation was only just beginning.

~

Very early the next day, Steve sets up his easel, deciding today was a good day to paint the sunrise. After getting everything set up, he looks to his right, ready to wait for the sun to rise until it’s where he wants to paint it.

And his happy mood is ruined by the sight of four gray masses of feathers perched on the railing, staring at him with black beady eyes, cooing softly and encouragingly at him. And then he spots the white spots covering the balcony floor. Bird crap. And a lot of it.

He starts packing up, deciding he can wait on painting his sunset, and the pigeons can have the balcony today.

~

Over the next few days, the pigeons continued to return, bringing more of their brethren to the new spot. Soon enough, a week had passed, and the Avengers now had twenty pigeons. They’d even dubbed them as the Pigeon Dynasty.

Bruce had observed that when other birds, most commonly Blue Jays, Robins, and Cardinals, tried to sit on the balcony, the pigeons would screech loudly, curling their wings in front of them, almost in a ‘come at me bro’ gesture, and puff up their chests. This scared the other birds.

When Bruce told Tony that the pigeons were defending their territory, Tony didn’t leave his lab for the next twenty four hours.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. informed them that he was currently tearing apart old projects that he hadn’t gotten to throwing out, and that he could take on the Hulk right now.

Bruce had grunted at that and went to his room.

One day, after another mission dealing with Hydra agents, Tony retreated to the lab, a crazed look in his eyes. No one knew what he was up to, but they decided that in his current state, it was safer for them if Tony wasn’t interrupted.

Which was true. Because Tony just had a vision. He finally knew how to get rid of the pigeons.

~

After a mission with the Guardians involving Space Pirates, the Avengers throw another party on their balcony, pigeons be damned.

Natasha looked around curiously, before winding Thor, Stephen Strange, and Carol Danvers in a corner of the party, drinking apple juice and discussing Galaxy Battles: The Last Knight.

“Hey, have you guys seen Tony?”

Carol answered, “Sorry, I just got back to Earth today,” and shook her head.

Stephen also shook his head, replying “I haven’t left my house in a month. I haven’t seen any of you until this mission.”

Thor shook his head, chugging his apple juice. After swallowing, he said, “Not since he retreated to his lab.”

Natasha nodded her thanks and went to continue asking around the party. However, before she could get to Scott and T’Challa, who were both arguing about spray cheese, a loud metallic clang was heard, drawing the attention of everyone at the party.

An exhausted looking Tony stood at the door, with Bruce in Hulk form standing behind him, holding a giant metallic box.

Tony tapped his Arc Reactor, allowing his nanotech to put his suit on him.

“Everyone mind your own business, we’re just doing some maintenance.”

Everyone except Natasha listened, returning to whatever it was they were doing. Natasha grabbed a drink and settled in a chair, watching the show with great interest.

Hulk helped Tony install the large box, and Tony pumped his fists triumphantly.

Getting up, she walked over to him and asked, “What is that?”

Tony’s face plate retracted, revealing the face of a man who had just broken free from captivity.

“That, Nat, is a giant A.C. And it’s going to solve our pigeon problem. Watch.”

Tony told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to turn the air on, and a loud noise emanated from the box. While the Avengers looked at Tony annoyed, a series of loud, scared screeches drifted their direction.

Everyone watched as the pigeons started flapping their wings excessively, screeching at each other before flying away.

Tony yelled “yes!”, Steve smiled, and Natasha was watched in amazement. The other Avengers ran to the railing and screeched at the pigeons in a final, unexpected goodbye.

Tony had finally overthrown the pigeon dynasty.

~

The next day, the sun was climbing their horizon. The air was crisp, cool, and breezy, and Tony was walking in Central Park, wrapped up in a thick black jacket.

He was on his way to Starbucks, ready for a morning beverage to chase away his exhaustion.

Hey, building giant AC’s can take a lot out of a man. Tony hadn’t slept in two days, and he right after he finally started getting a regular sleeping schedule too.

Tony was lost in his thoughts, so he didn’t notice the person walking toward him until they crashed.

The person was about to yell at him, even though he would have had plenty of time to get away from him, when suddenly a look of realization overtook his face.

The man hastily shook Tony’s hand. “You’re Tony Stark! It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

Tony, still somewhat dazed from his forceful awakening, returned the gesture, saying, “It’s nice to meet you too.”

The man smiled at him. “Thank you, by the way?”

Tony’s face turned into a cocky smirk. “What did I do for you this time?”

The man pointed at the Avengers balcony. “You got rid of the pigeons. They were pooping so much down here, but now they poop at Avengers Tower. The park is clean again! You really are a Hero, Iron Man!”

Tony could feel his face turning red again, from bottom to top.

New York had never heard anyone yell that loud before. And both Thor and Hulk live there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see why I had to write it now right, it was too good not to


End file.
